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Put Down the Business Cards and Just Be Nice

Posted by Mary Carver, Giving Up on Perfect on Jun. 13, 2011  /  Subscribe 0

Four of the the five jobs listed on my resume (plus one that's no longer on there) were possible because of personal connections I had. The same goes for several interviews and informational meetings I've had over the years, as well as my most consistent freelance client.

Like it or not, networking seems to make the world go 'round – especially in our interwoven industry and [fairly] small town. But what does that really mean?

If networking is the foundation of a career path, does that mean it's impossible to land a job, a client or a project without a connection? Does it mean we need to hand out business cards like a blackjack dealer at Harrah's? Does it mean we have to flatter and flirt our way through every meeting, gathering and conference on the calendar?

No way.

After all, connections don't stay in a cubicle or on a resume. The first person I call (after my husband) when I get a job offer is a former manager. I couldn't have moved into my first house without the help of several co-workers. And a colleague from three jobs ago helped my best friend throw me the best baby shower ever.

Networking isn't about schmoozing. It isn't about building your Rolodex – or your number of Twitter followers. It isn't even about being prepared for that next round of layoffs or the launch of your new business. Networking is about building relationships and enhancing other people's lives.

Wait a minute – what? Enhancing other people's lives? Yep. Experts from Chris Brogan to Peter Shankman to Penelope Trunk agree and sum it up about the same way: Networking is being nice and helping people.

“Just be nice.” Piece of cake, right? And what a relief! To know that successful networking doesn't rely on small talk and slick charm takes a load off my shoulders.

But once I take away the pressure to collect two dozen business cards at the next PRSA function or to convince every single former co-worker to join my network on LinkedIn (and recommend me, of course), I'm still left with a pretty hefty directive.

As I clicked around, researching a bit for this post, it was undeniable that “be nice and help people” was the bottom line when it comes to networking. While that keeps things simple, though, it doesn't make them easy.

Once when I was in high school, I helped my brother's friend dig through several bags of the cafeteria's trash to find her retainer. (I've never looked at applesauce the same.) So, I consider myself a pretty nice person. But when I look through the lens of networking and honestly evaluate my end of my business relationships, I have to admit that I've been slacking.

In the past few months, I've asked a friend to put in a good word for me with the HR manager at an agency, someone he worked with several years ago. I've also sent my resume to another friend and asked him to pass it along to the hiring managers for that position he told me about. I've sent a Facebook message to everyone I ever worked with, announcing that I'm looking for freelance work – and that they should totally hire me. And, yes, I've sent those pesky little requests on LinkedIn to ask for recommendations.

You know what I haven't done? Written LinkedIn recommendations for anyone else. Remembered to participate in Twitter's Follow Friday. Joined a committee simply to share ideas or to help someone else.

Now, before you think that dumpster diving more than a decade ago was the last time I did something nice, I recently told a former manager about a job opening that I thought she might be interested in and I often proofread friends' (and their friends') resumes. But held up against the simple standard of, “Be nice and help people,” I realize that's not enough.

As I'm gearing up a job search and building a freelance business, it's clear that all the business cards and happy hours in the world won't make a difference if I'm only meeting and connecting with people for what they can give me. Here are a few tips that should help us all network better.

1. Be approachable. Sometimes, I get nervous walking into a room full of awesome people that I don't know. To be honest, it kind of freaks me out. As a matter of fact, when I went to my first blogging conference, I spent half my time hiding in my room! On the last day, though, I finally opened up and began meeting people, learning about what they do and who they are. And that's when I made a connection, a friend and colleague who not only hired me to write a monthly column but has sent other work and prospects my way as well.

Even if meeting new people intimidates you, be approachable. Walk with your head up, use your friendly smile and say hello to someone.

And for the love of status updates and retweets, please put down your phone. I know, I know, you really want to Tweet about how many great people you're meeting or check into foursquare and give a shout-out to the generous restaurant that donated appetizers to your happy hour. Just . . . don't. Be a person and talk to some people, in person.

2. Get off the couch. I'm a blogger and, for now, a freelancer working from home. The basic law of inertia explains why it gets harder every day for me to leave the comfort zone of my couch home office, but that doesn't make it right. With a few clicks of the mouse, I can find a meeting, event or seminar taking place several times a month. My goal has been to attend at least one a month, but I'm hoping to pick up my game now.

3. Build your network carefully. It's easy to get caught up in the numbers game of networking if you're not careful. But remember, the goal of networking is not to accumulate the largest stack of business cards or to collect the largest number of followers or fans. The goal is to make connections and nurture relationships. Quantity, in this case, does not necessarily trump quality.

4. Give and give often. Is there a young associate in your company who could use a mentor? Could a vendor from a previous job be the perfect client for a friend starting a business? How long does it really take to write a few recommendations or a nice reference letter? Have you asked your friends and colleagues how you could help them lately?

Finally, don't get worked up about adding "networking" to your never-ending to-do list. Try being nice and helping people, try getting off the couch and being approachable - and just see if that's not more effective (and more fun) than collecting followers like stamps and playing business card bingo.

Articles about networking:

• Networking for People Who Hate It (Penelope Trunk)
• Networking Means Being Nice (Penelope Trunk)
• Five Ways to Not Screw Up Your Next Networking Attempt (Peter Shankman)
• Do You Have a Network in Place (Chris Brogan)
• I'm Not Really Here (Chris Brogan)
• Mannequin Networking – Why Twitter Automation Is Bad (UnMarketing)
• Bringing Back Mayberry: Reflections on Connections in Social Media (Redhead Writing)

Mary Carver blogs at Giving Up on Perfect and works as a freelance writer, proofreader and editor. She's spent the past decade working in communications and PR for projects as varied as cancer research to dog food. You can network with her - I mean, be nice to her! - on Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn.

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